Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
