Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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