In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
