I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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