Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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