omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
