fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
