Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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