she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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