what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
