Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Enjoy the penises
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
