I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
