doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
