we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
