I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
