Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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