idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
