It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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