You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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