There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
