Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants