i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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