I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.