I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
