So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
