last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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