sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
