Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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