Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
