I cockslap morals
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He has the fingertips of a God
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
