i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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