turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
