Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
