belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
