Me. At least after what I've been through.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
