You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
