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i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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