Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
