so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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