Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
