so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
