I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
