my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
