I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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