So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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