why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
