Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
