I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
