I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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