He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
