Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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