allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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