Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
