I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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