haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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