did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize