my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
