(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
