dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
