Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
