Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
