But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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