The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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