i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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