Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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