ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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