so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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