You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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