It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
