im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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