When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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