dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
