last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
