your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
