Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
