I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
