True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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