woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
