he puts the penis in happiness.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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