He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
