Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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