That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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