I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
