did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
